Holding On To Love Read online

  Holding on to Love

  By A. E. Neal

  Kindle Edition

  Copyright 2013 by A.E. Neal

  Cover design copyrighted by K23 Design

  All rights reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  If you received this copy from a friend, please discard and purchase a copy legally. The author does not authorize sharing.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  "Torn" by Michelle Escamilla is featured with permission from the author

  Prologue

  "That was a stupid movie," I said, rolling my eyes, as we walked hand in hand out of the theater.

  "It was so stupid, it was funny," Andrew replied with a slight frown.

  "You think any movie with Will Farrell is funny."

  "Come on," he said, nudging my shoulder. "You have to admit, it was kinda funny."

  "Okay, I'll give you that much. But next time, it's my choice," I grinned.

  "Oh no, I am not going to another one of your movies." He pointed his finger at my nose, "If I have to see that werewolf guy—"

  "Jacob," I interrupted.

  "Whatever. If I have to see him shirtless for two painful hours, you can survive Will Farrell."

  "Fine, but you get to buy me dinner." I giggled, lifting his hand to my lips.

  "Well, my love, you are in luck tonight," he whispered as his lips grazed my ear. "I have a surprise for you."

  "What surprise? You know I hate surprises," I blushed and my gaze dropped to the ground below my feet.

  "Oh, you'll see," he teased as his grin grew wider. "And you will love this surprise, I promise." He lifted my chin and lightly kissed my cheek.

  The January air was bitter cold and the thick clouds above were spitting heavy, wet snowflakes. I quickly zipped my coat to my chin to keep the frigid air from chilling me to the bone. We reached Andrew's two door, silver hatchback that now carried about two inches of fresh snow. I absolutely hated his car, if not for any reason other than the fact that it made no sense to have such a tiny shit-box-on-wheels in Colorado. As there was always snow on the ground at least three months out of the year, it didn't seem logical. I, on the other hand, opted for a gas guzzling SUV because I'm terrified to drive in the snow and I'm tall. It made no sense to drive such a tiny car when you're five foot nine, especially when you wear heels almost daily. Andrew always told me, "Look Ally, if it's your time to go, it's your time to go. Driving that beast of a vehicle won't save you from the universe's plan."

  I buckled my seat belt and plugged my mp3 player into the car's stereo. Bruno Mars' new song began and I found myself swaying in my seat to the catchy beat.

  "We are so not listening to this," Andrew said, unplugging my mp3 player.

  "What?" I shrugged down into my seat. "But I really like this song."

  "Nope — I've got something better." Flashing his big, brown puppy dog eyes my way.

  I recognized the song immediately once the slow strum of the guitar began playing.

  "Bon Iver? Really?" I whined.

  "You like his stuff, remember?" He said, clicking the left blinker on.

  I put my head down and let out a long, overly dramatic sigh. "I guess so."

  We made our way slowly merging onto the freeway northbound towards our exit. The snow was really coming down now. As we sped up, our headlights reflected off the falling snow and it looked as if we were driving through space at light speed.

  "Did we have to take the freeway? It's really bad," I said, shifting nervously in my seat.

  The sweat began to build in my palms and I felt my heart racing.

  Andrew glanced at me, his crooked smile gleaming. "Calm down, Love. This is much safer than the frontage road— trust me." I did trust him. I trusted him with my life. I breathed another loud sigh.

  "I trust you."

  Brake lights filled the dark, snow covered road. We couldn't have been going more than 35 mph, but a few cars ahead had slid side to side when traffic stopped. I wiped my clammy palm on my jeans and gripped the door handle for support. I could feel the muscles in my neck tense and we slowed again. This time I felt the back of the car sway a little as we crossed a patch of black ice. I closed my eyes and prayed inwardly.

  "Just another mile or so and we're in the clear," he said, squeezing my thigh with his free hand to reassure me.

  "I know, I just hate the snow. And the stupid drivers." I laid my hand over his.

  I felt my muscles release some tension as we exited the freeway.

  Thank goodness.

  Andrew flicked the left turn signal on as we waited for our opportunity for traffic to clear. After what seemed to be a lifetime, the car finally moved forward and we followed slowly behind the black truck in front of us.

  The traffic had turned me into a ball of nervous energy, so I reached over and grabbed Andrew's mp3 player. "I'm sorry, but this is putting me to sleep," I said as I found his country playlist and hit play. Josh Turner's deep, sexy voice filled the speakers.

  "I forgot how much I love this song," I said, reminiscing. The song brought a smile to my face as I remembered the first time Andrew played it for me. I had been spending every night at his apartment so I could get some peace and quiet away from the dorms on campus. On that particular night, the power went out and we snuggled up on the couch and took turns playing songs for one another. He chose this song and like an absolute gentleman, he swept me up into his arms and danced with me around the living room...in our pajamas.

  And as if he was thinking the same thing, Andrew turned to me and smiled. "Never forget how much I love you.”

  "Never. I love you, too.” I smiled.

  After 2 years, 4 months and 21 days, I was still madly in love with this man. Our first date wasn't really a date at all. He'd asked me out several times over the previous month, but I had always said no. There wasn't any reason behind my continuous rejections, other than I had never actually been on a real date before. Ever. And honestly, I was terrified. What if he was bored with me within the first five minutes? I just don't think my heart could handle the rejection. Sure, I've had a few boyfriends. But that was exactly it, once we'd get to know one another, it always turned out that we would end up as friends and it worked out better that way. Or at least that's what I thought.

  It wasn't until Valentine's Day that I finally caved and agreed to accompany him to dinner. How could I say 'no' to man with a dozen red roses, standing before me in a crowded coffee shop, singing Frank Sinatra's 'The Way You Look Tonight'? The rest, as they say, is history. And, lucky for me, he actually had a career that he loved and was very much in love with me.

  Andrew parked his car along the curb, hopped out and made his way around the car to open my door. I glanced out the window and felt my heart sink. There in front of me stood the oldest building in the city and I knew immediately where we were headed for dinner. I was neither prepared nor dressed for the elegant Asian fusion restaurant before me.

  "Andrew, I'm not dressed for this place," I said, staring sheepishly at my skinny jeans, knee high black boots and my favorite maroon turtleneck sweater.

  "You look perfect, Love," Andrew whispered, holding my door open. He bent down, kissing me softly on the forehead. "Now, come on. It's fucking freezing."

  Grinning like child on Christmas morning, I took his h
and as he guided me toward the entrance of the lavish restaurant.

  "Table for two?" The tiny brunette hostess asked as we entered the foyer. Soft piano music filled the air. The walls were a dark golden hue, like an aged sunflower petal. Each wall had a series of black and white photographs grouped together like a neatly arranged puzzle.

  "Actually, we have reservations," he smiled as he peered over the hostess' podium and pointed. "Raleigh, Andrew. That's us."

  Reservations, huh? We never needed reservations any other time we've gone out to dinner. Leave it to Andrew, always Mr. Prepared.

  I smiled at the thought.

  Andrew had always been prepared for anything that could possibly be thrown his way. He even packed a "survival kit" for a day trip we took to Vail once. And although it had been summer time, the kit included a heat reflective blanket, two gallons of water, some of those military grade ready-to-eat meals, a flashlight, a box of matches and a flare gun. A flare gun! Of course, we hadn't needed anything in the kit during our short road trip, but Andrew's motto has always been, "Better safe, than sorry".

  The hostess, who introduced herself as Amanda, quickly picked up two menus and nodded. "Right this way, Mr. Raleigh,” she said smiling and steered us through the dimly lit restaurant. I caught a delicious aroma of stir-fried vegetables and fresh seafood as we passed the kitchen's doors. My mouth watered in anticipation.

  Once we were seated at our semi-private table for two near the back, my eyes widened at the sheer enormity of the restaurant. Mahogany pillars separated the expansive bar. A three hundred gallon salt-water fish tank stretched across the wall between us and the other diners. This had to be the best seat in the house, I thought.

  "You like?" Andrew asked with a smile, reaching across the table, taking my hand in his. This was something that he did often, one of his quirks, and it never failed to calm me – made me feel like he would protect me from anything.

  "Do I like it? Andrew, I'm pretty much speechless," I said, still taking in my surroundings. "This place is amazing."

  "I knew you'd like it. I've only been here once, during a business meeting. I saw the fish tank and thought of you, they even have a few butterfly fish." He said pointing at the yellow and white fish who was peaking it's head out from behind a large piece of coral.

  I smiled at him, a little taken back that he remembered how much I loved them ever since we visited the Downtown Aquarium.

  "Come to think of it, I didn’t get much done besides thinking of you during that meeting." He gave me his lopsided grin and blushed.

  And my heart melted like chocolate on a hot summer day.

  "Thank you so much for this, Andrew. It's unbelievable." I said squeezing his hand.

  Our waiter, Daniel, arrived shortly after we were seated. He recited the Chef's special; Kobe beef carpaccio served over polenta and diakon slaw. Andrew ordered a bottle of Dom Pérignon and the special for both of us. I found it a bit annoying that he ordered for me without my approval, but the meal sounded so delectable, I didn't bother to argue. I also silently thanked the gods that our waiter hadn't asked to see my ID, since I only just turned twenty a couple of weeks ago.

  "This is too much, Andrew," I said, shaking my head as I totaled the bill. "I would have been okay with Applebee's or something as an ‘after-the-movie dinner date’." Andrew simply smiled knowingly.

  The waiter returned, bringing the bottle to Andrew's side for approval.

  "That will be perfect," Andrew said, nodding.

  Daniel filled our crystal flutes and placed the bottle in a silver bucket beside our table.

  Andrew drew his glass and held it up, "To you, Allyson. The love of my life. Cheers!"

  And we clinked glasses.

  Am I seriously dreaming? How did my night go from Will Ferrell to champagne in a place like this? What did I do to deserve this man?

  "I love you, too, Andrew," I whispered. I gazed at him over the flute before taking a sip and smiled. I was rewarded with his all-out, breathtaking smile. Blushing, I took a small sip –it was delicious. The bubbles tingled my nose as I swallowed and I finished the glass in no time.

  "Would you like more, miss?" The waiter was by my side again. "Oh, yes please. And thank you," I said raising my glass to Daniel.

  "Take it easy, Love," Andrew warned. "I know how you get after champagne." His lips curled devilishly. I knew that look – he definitely had something on his mind.

  "Is this why you brought me here? For the champagne? Or is someone thinking he might get lucky tonight?" I asked with my head tilted to the side, playing along.

  "Nah, I was thinking of going to bed early," he toyed, stretching back giving me a fake yawn. "Actually, I do have to be up pretty early tomorrow. No funny business from you, young lady."

  I giggled. "Ok, I'll be a good girl. But just this once."

  Our dinner arrived and looked and smelled beyond amazing. I felt guilty just staring at the plate placed in front of me. Two and a half glasses of champagne later, I found myself devouring every morsel off the square dish.

  "Oh. My. God. Andrew, that was the best thing I have ever tasted," I almost shouted. I sat back in my chair, feeling no less than stuffed.

  He grinned wildly. "I'm glad you liked it. Do you have room for dessert?"

  "If it consists of you, naked on this table, then my answer is yes — most definitely," I whispered, reaching for his outstretched hand.

  "Maybe later, Love," he replied, his grin turning more mischievous as he squeezed my hand. I smiled back, quizzically, trying to figure out what was going through that head of his.

  "Dessert, sir?" Daniel asked politely, handing Andrew a leather-bound menu.

  Andrew briefly glanced at the dessert selection. "We'll have the crème brule and more champagne, please." Daniel nodded in agreement. "Yes, sir. Right away," and stepped away from the table, catching my eye and winking at me.

  "Andrew, I think our waiter has a crush on me," I whispered.

  "He's probably just jealous, since I'm having dinner with the most beautiful girl in the world."

  I blushed again. Damn cheeks!

  "You are so damn sweet," I said before taking another drink of champagne.

  "Ally?" He looked serious. "Can I ask you something?"

  Uh-oh.

  A million thoughts raced through my head and my heart began pounding wildly in my chest, but Daniel interrupted with our dessert. "May I get you anything else, tonight?"

  "No. Thank you, Daniel. This will be fine," Andrew replied. I loved the way he always sounded so professional – so in control.

  "What were you going to ask, Andrew?" my heart fluttered as I spoke. I didn’t really know where this was headed and didn’t want to delay the inevitable – whatever that was.

  "We have had our ups and downs. Been through thick and thin," he paused briefly taking a draw from his glass. "You know I love you more than anything, right?"

  Oh. Crap!

  "Yes, of course. Is that even a question? Is that what you wanted to ask me? How silly." I responded blankly.

  "Ally," he paused again, clearing his throat. All of a sudden he looked nervous. Where was my confident Andrew? What was going on?

  "Allyson Monroe," he swallowed and slid from under the table and dropped to one knee.

  My heart fluttered. I took an audible gasp of air. "Will you make me the happiest man alive by becoming my wife?"

  My breath faltered, my heart raced, right along with my mind.

  Is this what I want? I love him. Yes, I love him. Yes, this is what I want! Yes!

  Only I hadn't said it out loud and Andrew was still on one knee holding a tiny red velvet box in his hand, which was trembling ever so slightly. The huge diamond sparkled in the dim light. It had to be at least 2 carats. I moved my eyes from the gorgeous ring up to his handsome face. My eyes met his.

  "Yes!" I squealed and threw my arms around him. "Yes! Yes, I will marry you, Andrew Raleigh!" I cupped his face with my hands, completely forg
etting that we were in a restaurant. He stood, wrapping his arms around my waist and raising me with him. Giving me the biggest smile I had ever seen, he held my gaze and then bent down and gave me the softest, most romantic kiss I had ever experienced. It was like he was promising me a million things with that one act. I hoped he felt my promises back. When I came back down to earth, everyone in restaurant was applauding.

  Andrew placed the glistening platinum and diamond solitaire on my left hand and turned to our newfound fan club. "She said YES!", he exclaimed. He took my hand in his and held it up for everyone to see. Yep, I said 'yes' and I meant it.

  Chapter 1

  Three Years Later...

  "Have you talked to your brother lately?" Kennedy, my best friend and roommate asked.

  I dropped the curling iron on my vanity and turned to face her. "No. Why?"

  She looked like a kid in a candy store, grinning ear to ear. "He's doing a gig at some bar in town," she said, clapping her hands together like a six year old. She raised one perfectly groomed eyebrow. "So, wanna go?"

  I smiled at her childlike display, completely unamused. "Wait. What about Bryan? I thought you two were still...uh, together." I knew better than to ask her that question. Kennedy liked to keep her options open since she had a new 'friend with benefits' every month.

  She shrugged and replied, "Yeah. He's incredible in bed, don't get me wrong, but I don't see it lasting too much longer." In Kennedy terms— that meant she was getting bored and Bryan would be ancient history by the end of the week.

  "So when is it?" I asked, changing the subject quickly.

  "Tomorrow night," she squealed, pulling her phone from her back pocket.

  "He texted you?" I asked, watching her move her beautifully manicured fingers across the screen as she searched.

  She grinned, blushed slightly and added, "Does it bother you that Zac texts me?" There was concern in her voice.

  "No, not at all," I replied, jealousy written all over my face. "Are you and Zac sleeping together or something? Because, to be quite honest with you—" I hesitated, not entirely sure how to phrase what I was trying to say. "He's kind of known as being a man-whore, just saying." I picked my curling iron back up, faced the mirror and continued my attempt to tame the long blonde tresses of hair that framed my face and shoulders.