Holding on to Us Read online

  "What's goin' on with you today?" Wren asked. I shrugged as she sat on the chair next to mine and sipped her iced vanilla latte.

  "I dunno," I said, shrugging. "I should be ecstatic that my best friend is getting married, right?"

  "You've got wedding fever now, and until you come clean about you and Zac, you're gonna beat yourself up over it, ya know?" And I did know, but the consequences that would come from telling her my secret could cost us our friendship. I suddenly felt sick and I needed some air. I stood up and made my way toward the back door. Wren nodded as if she understood what I was going through, but I was sure she was just trying to be nice.

  I couldn't believe I was even thinking about not being a supportive friend. After all she'd been through, she deserved all the happiness in the world, but why the hell was I so hell bent on ruining her happiness? It wasn't the first time I'd felt that way, either.

  When we were sophomores in high school, Ally started dating a senior. His name was Jeremy and he was the equivalent of Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles. Since Ally and I didn't have many friends, girls around school started spreading rumors about us. My favorite was that we were secretly lesbian lovers. We weren't, but it was fun to mess with the bitches of Camelback every now and again. She'd been dating Jeremy for a few weeks, which in high school seemed like an eternity. He'd pick us up in his white Camaro every morning before school, take us to McDonald's for breakfast and since he really was the most popular guy in school, he would park in the best space on campus so we didn't have to walk twelve miles.

  At the time, Ally was still a virgin and I was already on loser number three when she told me she was planning on having sex with him for the first time. I explained how shitty it was the first time and she better have a box of pads in her bag, 'cause she was gonna bleed like a sieve afterward. Call it instilling fear in my best friend or just plain, old-fashioned jealousy, but she never went through with it, saying she was going to wait for the 'right one'. As if anyone knows what the hell that even means. I'd waited for the 'right one' three different times and each one had left me immediately afterwards.

  Jeremy decided he didn't want to wait for her and she caught him having sex with Lily Campbell in the girl's locker room after P.E. one day. Ally was devastated, but vowed to wait for the right guy to come along. That guy was Andrew.

  The Arizona sun was warm, although it was mid-February and the light breeze was a nice change for once. I pulled out my phone and sat on the curb behind the shop.

  Me: I can't do this. I don't want to lie to her, anymore.

  I hit 'send' and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

  Zac: You already are and technically you aren't lying to her, you just aren't telling her. There's a difference.

  Me: You know exactly what I mean. Don't be an ass.

  I waited for his response, but it never came. Jerk. I shoved my phone into my pocket and sat back, soaking up the warmth of the sun. A few minutes had passed and I knew sitting outside drowning in my thoughts wasn't going to solve much of anything, but it felt good to be alone for the time being.

  "Why are you out here alone?" Zac asked and I about jumped out of my skin. I turned to face him, but the sun was so bright that my eyes watered. He took a step over, blocking it from blinding me.

  "I just needed some air," I said, squinting. "What're you doing here?"

  "I was in the neighborhood," he said, holding his phone while flashing me a sexy grin. I pulled myself up off the curb and wrapped my arms around his neck. He had just showered, so he smelled like body wash and sunshine. I loved the way he smelled.

  He leaned in to kiss me, but I dodged his lips. He tucked his chin in the crook of my neck and traced my skin with his tongue. I pulled back so he couldn't reach me, but he was also a foot taller than I was and could crush me with one arm, so I was quickly defeated. He hoisted me up into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he backed me into the cool stucco wall of the building.

  "We need to tell her," I said and tried to wriggle free, but he kept me still with his hands gripping my ass.

  "It'll just make shit more complicated, Skittles." His nickname for me had gotten more endearing over the years, but I still hated it. Why did I have to be the only girl who had a candy obsession in high school? "I think things are just fine the way they are, but if that's what you want, we can tell her tomorrow for all I care. I don't get why this is such a big deal."

  "Because it would make me feel better. I wouldn't feel so guilty about this little charade going on between us if she knew we were just having sex. She wouldn't judge us, would she?"

  "Hmm," he said, pondering that thought. "You know it's not just sex, anymore."

  "It is just sex. We agreed to keep it that way, remember?"

  "Just kiss me, you know you want to," he said, changing the subject.

  I wasn't about to get naked and start boning like animals in an alley behind my work. Instead, he just smiled and placed a soft kiss on my lips. He finally released me and I slid down his body until my feet reached the ground.

  "I don't want to complicate shit, Zac," I said, prying his hands from my waist.

  "It isn't. You're making it complicated by bringing up all this talk about telling Ally."

  "Because she deserves to know. Don't you get it? She's my best friend and I've been hiding this from her for months. If she finds out about us from someone else, she'll never forgive me. Ever."

  "Do whatever you have to do, but I'm telling you now, it won't make a difference."

  I had to come up with a plan. I couldn't keep lying to Ally and I didn't care what Zac had to say about it, anymore. She deserved to know and if it cost us our friendship, I'd have to find a way to fix it. He wasn't worth losing my best friend over.

  "Maybe we can tell her at the wedding. People do that kinda shit all the time, right?"

  "Uh," he looked confused. "We don't even know when that's gonna be."

  "It'll give us more time to plan it all out, then," I said, twirling a piece of hair around my finger.

  "So, what you're really saying is, you're ready to admit you have deeper feelings for me," he said, cautiously. "You wanna be my girlfriend, don't you?"

  I didn't want to get into it with him again, we'd already gone over it before, and we both agreed to keep it simple. I wasn't ready to go overboard with the relationship bullshit, but in the back of my head I wanted us to be together, just not as a couple.

  "What? No! Are you high?" I asked, because it seemed like the only logical reason for his behavior.

  "What's wrong with that, Kennedy?"

  "No," I said, simply because I didn't want to discuss our future when I wasn't a hundred percent sure he would be part of it, anyway.

  "No? No, what?"

  "No! I'm not ready to put a label on our relationship, yet," I snapped. I pushed him away and opened the back door.

  He reached out and grabbed my wrist. We were still out of view from wandering eyes, but I didn't want to play his games, anymore. He pulled me into him and planted a kiss on my forehead.

  "I'm not just anyone, Kennedy. Why are you fighting this? I'm not some asshole who's out to hurt you," he whispered into my hair.

  "But you are one of them," I muttered under my breath. My cheeks ignited and I felt the heat spread through my body as my heart hammered in my chest. I pulled my wrist from his grip and headed toward my station, leaving him standing alone in the back hallway. I was done listening to Zac.

  Wren gave me a quizzical look and I shot a wavering glance over my shoulder at the back door.

  "Ah, boy-toy troubles?" she asked and I can't help but laugh.

  She got it, I got it, why the hell didn't he get it? Our relationship, if that was what you'd call it, was already beyond complicated and he was dead set on making it impossible.

  "Totally, I mean we've already established that we're just two grown adults who have sex every now and again; nothing more, nothing less. I don't understand why he thinks al
l of a sudden we've graduated to couple status," I huffed.

  Wren laughed. "You actually like him, don't you?" she asked and I was afraid to answer because, truth was, I really did like him, but I knew I'd end up getting hurt, and that was all there was to it.

  "We're just friends," I said as I squared my shoulders.

  Before Wren could protest, the bell rang and the Wings-n-Things delivery driver hurried through the front door with two bags of fried goodies.

  "You ordered food?" I asked Wren and she nodded.

  "Got your favorite, too," she added. She knew exactly what I liked, and my mouth watered in anticipation. I quickly handed the guy a twenty and took the paper bags from him. He thanked me as he held the door open for a customer.

  "Excuse me," he said as he slid past the delivery driver. He was about my age with dark chestnut hair and brown eyes. He wasn't built, but he also wasn't skinny. He had an amazing tribal tattoo on his inner forearm and I couldn't help myself, I wanted a closer look.

  "Hi, I'm Kennedy," I said as I set our food on the counter.

  Wren winked as she pulled her container from the bag. Yeah, she knew I was up to no good. It wasn't my fault, the guy was beautiful. And I didn't use that word to describe men, ever.

  "Deacon," he offered.

  "Deacon, I like it," I said, batting my lashes at him.

  He blushed and held his hand out to me. "Thanks. Kennedy is a cool name, too. Were your parents big fans of the President?"

  "Actually, they were," I said, leaning over the counter so he could get a good look at my cleavage.

  Whether or not I knew if my parents were Kennedy fans, I had no idea. They never told me the reason why they named me what they did.

  Deacon's gaze fell, "I like your tattoos," he said, eyeing the two swallows over each one of my breasts.

  "I noticed yours when you walked in. Can I see it?" I asked and he held his arm out for me to inspect. I traced the thick black lines with my fingertips, slowly.

  "Ahem." The blatantly obvious throat clearer approached the desk behind me. I pulled my hand away from Deacon's arm and turned around to face Zac, who was scowling.

  "Deacon, was it?" he asked and I could hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

  Deacon could also sense Zac's jealousy and he squared his shoulders. He was a bit taller than Zac, but not as toned, so I figured he could probably hold his own in a fight, if need be. Gage rounded the corner and stepped in front of Deacon before things got out of control.

  "Simmer down, Zac. Deacon's my two o'clock," Gage said and I laughed. Nothing like Gage to take control of an awkward situation.

  "It was nice to meet you, Kennedy," he said and threw a quick wave over his shoulder, before following Gage to his station.

  "What're you still doing here?" I asked, shoving my palms into his chest as hard as I could. He didn't budge and as always, I was the one walking away with an injury. I rubbed my wrists and huffed.

  "Nothin'," he shrugged.

  "Right...like I'm supposed to believe that," I snapped.

  He grabbed the food off the counter and pulled one of the containers from the bag. He flipped the lid open and took a huge bite of my Monte Cristo.

  "Mmm," he said with a mouthful of my sandwich. "So good."

  I snatched it from him and tossed it into the open container he was holding.

  "Um, what the hell?" I asked, pulling it from his hands and storming off toward the back office.

  I tossed the container on the desk and suddenly I realized I wasn't hungry, anymore. Zac strolled into the office behind me and squeezed my shoulder lightly. I batted his hand in an attempt to brush him off like a fly.

  "You can't be mad at me for that. That guy was a fucking tool. He looked like one of those dude's who carries roofies with him at all times, just in case he happens to find some random, drunk, semi-willing chick to go home with him," he said, but I tuned him out after he mentioned date-rape drugs.

  "I assume you're speaking from experience," I snapped.

  He laughed, shaking his head, "You really are feisty today, Skittles. It's kinda hot."

  "Seriously Zac, what do you want?" I asked. This time I put some conviction behind my words, hoping he'd get the point.

  "You're mad at me?"

  "Yes! I'm fucking mad at you. You can't just come in here and piss on everything you think belongs to you, like a goddamn dog — we are not together, we're just friends! Can you please go, so I can eat my lunch?" I snapped again. I really wasn't in the mood for his shit.

  "Fine. I can take a hint," he began, looking frustrated, "I'll be at Epic tonight, if you wanna stop by. If not, I'll see you at home." He turned and walked away. I heard the back door slam shut and suddenly wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

  That was our problem. We were around each other too much. When I wasn't working, I was home... with him. When he was off doing band shit, I was there to watch him, only because he looked so fucking sexy playing that bass guitar. He would always make sure to find me in the crowd and blow me an air kiss. Most of the trampy whores thought his kisses were for them, but little did they know, the feisty tattooed girl in the back row was the one he was going home with at night. And that was my problem! I needed time away from him. Things between us were getting way too complicated.

  I shoveled the sandwich in my mouth and downed an entire liter of Mountain Dew, before I took a deep breath and headed back out into the shop.

  Wren smiled at me as she swiveled back and forth on her stool behind the reception counter. "Your two thirty is here," she said and I waved the girl back to my station. She was a little taller than I and her coal black hair was curled perfectly into spirals that fell around her shoulders. Right away, I wondered if it was natural.

  "I'm Kennedy," I said and held my hand out to her. She grasped it lightly and returned the handshake.

  "Jenna," she offered.

  After some small talk with Jenna, she revealed the drawing for her tattoo and it was amazing, I was completely blown away by the detail. A peacock feather that she wanted on her ribs just under her breast. I knew right away that the outline alone would take me a few hours, and another two or three for the coloring and shading. We agreed on a price and she removed her vintage, Led Zeppelin t-shirt and laid on her side across my table. I traced the outline onto her skin and got to work.

  Chapter 3

  Zac

  The band still had no idea Kennedy and I were sleeping together. If they did, they'd tell Brody and well, I knew it wouldn't be the ideal way for Ally to find out about us. But, I was seriously considering blowing our cover, just so I didn't have to argue with her about it any longer.

  Brody rounded the corner, gave Finn a high-five and I knew he had announced his engagement to my sister. I was happy for my little sister, don't get me wrong, I just wished Kennedy would snap out of whatever shit was clouding her head and be supportive of her. God knew, I didn't want to be the guinea pig who was stuck tasting cake samples and telling her what dress didn't make her hips look big. I couldn't do any of that stuff, I'd lose my man-card.

  "Hey, B," I called over the chatter in the bar.

  Brody glanced up, waved and signaled that he'd be over in a few to talk to me. The rest of the guys had finally arrived and it was almost a quarter 'til six. There was still a little over two hours to go until our set started, so I checked my phone, hoping Kennedy had come to her senses, but there wasn't a message. Stubborn bitch.

  "Zac, Zachary, Zac my man," Alex said, making a fist and holding it out to me. I bumped it and smiled. The guy was a classic tool. No woman in their right mind would date him. He was a total dick, but I guess that's why the bleach blonde, plastic surgery laden chicks fell for him all the time.

  "Oh, man! I banged the hottest chick last night. I could motorboat those tits, all fucking night," he said, carrying on with his motor-boating adventures and even adding in a few raspberries on the back of his hand for good measure.

  What? I never said the guy was
mature. He was pretty funny, though. Chris rolled his eyes, pulled the drumsticks out of his bag and made his way to the stage. I couldn't blame the guy. You could only take so much of Alex.

  "Sounds pretty hot, man. Did you get her digits?" I asked, knowing he didn't, but I'm sure he had a photo of the girl in question on his phone. That was how Alex operated.

  "Dude," he said, slapping me on the back. "You get any hot ass lately? I know this one chick— fuck, she's a screamer— you'd like her."

  "That's cool, I'm kinda seeing this one girl," I lied, because I couldn't imagine what kind of crab-infested whore he was attempting to fix me up with.

  The guy had no respect for the opposite sex. If he thought a chick was hot, he would tell her and eventually the two would fuck like rabbits backstage or in the van. Every night on the road was the same shit, different town. Chris and I finally started betting against him. Hoping that some girl would turn him down. After fifteen cities in California and another four in Nevada, I owed Chris six hundred dollars and some change.

  Yeah, I had my fair share of groupie chicks, but nothing compared to Alex. I think he'd actually make Gene Simmons a little jealous.

  Alex and I met in high school. Oddly enough, he hadn't changed a bit. We started a band our senior year and that's how we met Chris, our drummer. Alex was the voice, I was the back-up guy and bassist and that was the way I liked it. I tried my shot at singing, but I wasn't able to get the same range as Alex. I finally found my niche playing the bass, but every now and then, I'd cover Alex on back-up vocals...quietly.

  Brody joined us at our table with a round of beer in his hands. In all the time we'd been playing at Epic, I'd never seen the guy so happy. I figured it had something to do with my little sister accepting his marriage proposal. He took the empty chair next to Chris and set the beer on the table.

  "Hey, man," I offered. "You're looking awfully spritely today."

  He tossed his head back and laughed. "You heard?"

  "Yeah, it's all over the news. I hear they're airing it in twenty-seven countries," I teased.